Hope is Gone
by kirei chime
Summary: Set on Christmas day. Mew and Ying pairing
1. Chapter 1

HOPE IS GONE

Mew looked at the wooden toy that Tong had given him many years ago. The toy was finally completed, having had the red wooden nose in place. He, Mew, silently thanked Tong, and cried in silence. He remembered what Tong had told him earlier that night. He, Tong, might not be his boyfriend, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't love him.

Mew let his tears roll down his eyes and wiped them off his face. That was enough for him. Even if he and Tong were never meant to be together, in his heart, he knew that he and Tong love each other. He can still feel the chills he had the night when he and Tong shared a kiss at Tong's backyard at the end of Tang's celebration. Yes, the kiss was special, and so was his guy friend Tong. For him, whatever others think, or how long the years go by, it will always be Tong that he loves.

0_0_0_0

Tong received a text message from Donut. It read: You are so selfish, you could have told me earlier. I would not have hoped too long nor clung on you for too long. Hate you!

He sighed when he read the note. Then, another note from Ying came. It read: Tong, I am happy for you and Mew. Please take care of him.

He smiled when he read her note. He realized that Ying was in love with the love of his life, but that she had to give up. He placed his phone back to his pocket and went home to celebrate Christmas Eve with his family.


	2. Chapter 2

Piece 2: Christmas Day

The next day, as Mew was about to go out of the house, he saw his next-door-neighbour, Ying, come out of the door as well. As their eyes met, Ying felt awkward, diverted her eyes, and bowed slightly at Mew. To break the soberness, Mew broke into a laugh and smiled at her.

"Merry Christmas, Ying," he greeted. Of course, it was already Christmas, but he didn't celebrate Christmas the way Tong and his Catholic family did.

Ying broke into a self-conscious smile and greeted him the same. Just then, Ying's mother came out of the door, and self-consciously tried to be nice to Mew by inviting him for Christmas dinner that night.

"You don't have any gigs tonight, right Mew?" Ying's mama asked. She was trying to be polite though she didn't like Mew much due to the fact that Mew was a bit gay.

Mew replied that the August band is free that night. After the Christmas Eve gig they had last night, they were taking a break. After all, Aod won't want to be busy at a special time like this. Ying's mama bowed and smiled, then went back inside the house. Thus, it left Ying and Mew to be outside, still feeling awkward and all.

"Where…where are you going, Mew?" Ying asked.

"To the market, of course," he replied with that cute and gay smile of his. Even if she knew that Mew and Tong really love each other, she can't help but still get jealous of Tong. She can never resist that smile, which made her fall for Mew in the first place.

"Ah, I see…" Ying said gingerly. "Same here…"

Mew smiled at her again and told her that they will be going together. Ying nodded joyfully (fake joy of course), and went along with him.

0_0_0_0

Ying couldn't forget what had happened those few weeks. When she knew that Mew was gay, she was so angry at herself for falling in love with a gay guy. Yet, still feeling her love for Mew, she kept all his pictures in a box which she hid under her bed.

She knew Tong one day when she went over to Mew's place to borrow a dictionary. When Tong left, Ying admitted that Tong is cute. But of course, what Ying had for Tong was just plain admiration for a gorgeous guy, and admiration which was so temporary that she forgot all about it. To top it all, Tong and his gang befriended Ying and her girl friends, which made them a bigger gang. It was in that second encounter that Tong knew that Ying likes Mew, all because of her friend's tactless revelation. Ying was torn between her friendship between Tong and Mew. She cares for Tong as a friend, but cannot help but get angry and jealous when she knew that Tong and Mew were in love with each other. She cares for Mew more than a friend, but she cannot help but get angry at him for loving Tong. In a confrontation, Tong molested her in an attempt to show him that he is a straight guy, until he broke down and cried, admitting that he did not understand what he really is. And it is in that confession that Ying finally came to understand who Tong really is. And she had to comfort him since he is a friend.

Ying's heart was broken all the more in another incident. Mew, who went over to her house, was researching some songs. He found a certain song that he liked and asked regarding the translation of a certain part of the song. Ying didn't understand Chinese quite well, so she went out to ask her brother. While she was out of the room, Mew found the cap which she stole from his room, and found out all his pictures in frames and in the box, all evidences of her secret obsessions at him. When she came back, a silence which seemed to last for eternity hung like a curse. Ying slowly walked inside the room, sat in front of Mew, and took the pictures from his hands. To break the silence, Mew asked her what it meant. (Double meaning: what the lyrics mean, and what the pictures mean). Ying's answer is: As long as you love, you will still have hope. Mew asked her if she is still hoping, and she replied, would she still hope? It was there that Mew affirmed that Ying is indeed a good friend of his. Who wouldn't get heartbroken?

And last night, she had to give up. She left Tong alone to face Mew while she went to her friends in the parking lot and lie in behalf of Tong. As she cried her heart out, Joy and all their friends began to coax her to tell them why. Of course, she didn't tell them that it was because of Mew and Tong.

0_0_0_0

"Ying, are you all right?" Mew asked. He didn't have to guess why she was silent and somehow felt a bit guilty by making Ying feel bad.

Ying looked at him and nodded as she forced a smile. She didn't want to force Mew to feel guilt. Loving someone is never wrong.

"I know I make you feel bad, but I am sorry, Ying," he said.

Ying laughed and punched his arm. "It is okay, Mew. It's over. I accept it already," she lied.

Mew broke into a smile, but he can still feel the pain in Ying's eyes. Her smile killed him twice since it was just a disguise to hide her feelings. He cannot stand the silence between them when Ying was absorbed in thought.

"Don't you trust me?" Ying feigned a frown. "I am okay. See?"

Mew looked at his friend flash the widest smile he could ever see that Christmas day. He had to take her word for it, or else, he might get a good beating from Ying. And so, both of them hurried to the market and bragged as to who can cook the tastiest Christmas dessert.


	3. Chapter 3

Piece 3: Christmas Dinner

Mew enjoyed celebrating Christmas with Ying's family, and the matriarch thought that Mew was a good boy after all. They invited him to join and have fun with the firecrackers.

It was Christmas after all, so the rest of the Chinese family went on having their revelry and firecrackers galore. Ying invited Mew to her room where they stayed there by themselves. Ying entered her room first, and slid her feet under her bed to hide the wooden box. Mew saw her doing this and thought that she was trying hard to let him know that she was indeed okay—when it fact, she was not. Ying smiled at him and invited him to sit with her on the floor. They spent their time playing card games.

Later that night, Ying's brother called her to come down and have some snacks. She excused herself and went down. Mew, who was left inside the room, stood up to check if Ying was really gone. He went back near the bed and bent down to see if there were anymore pieces of love that Ying had for him. He reopened the wooden box and saw the book that Ying had been using. After getting the book, he closed the box, pushed it aside and found another wooden box. When he opened it, he was surprised to see more than a dozen of wilted flowers, presumed to be roses. Those were the roses that Ying was supposed to give to him. He wondered why Ying would be hiding wilted roses under her bed. The book fell from his hand and he had to get it. He was curious of the title of the book, and opened the book and started to read it.

He saw the technique where a girl had to flip her love one's shoes so that he will think of her. So that explained why his shoes had been flipped over for a couple of days. He didn't smile, nor was he angry. He was just pensive, curious, and thoughtful. Was Ying really this obsessive? Next, he flipped more pages until he saw the technique where a girl has to give 99 thornless roses to the guy that she loves. Indeed, Ying had been totally in love with him. He even remembered the time when he was trying to write a song about love, and Ying suggested that she be his girlfriend so he can get inspiration. What can he do? He simply doesn't love her the way he loves Tong. He likes Ying as a friend and doesn't want to hurt her. But he doesn't have the heart to love her either. He got one of the wilted roses and examined it completely. It must be true, he thought. Her love for him might be as wilted as these roses. She must have given up on him. All he can do is to take her word for it.

He realized that he was snooping on private property that he hastily hid one rose at his back and the book inside the box even before Ying would come back. And when she did, she found him still sitting on the floor, flicking on the cards.

"What have you got there?" he asked her who was holding a tray of food.

He stood up to help her and found that she brought some drinks and the desserts that each of them made.

"I'm starved," Mew said to her.

"Yeah, me too," Ying said.

As they were eating, they were talking all jolly but Ying didn't know that Mew was spying on her. He noticed that she ate first the dessert which he made. He didn't make the least action to indicate that he knew about the roses.


	4. Chapter 4

Piece 4: My First Love Hurts Me

Later, they were really in the mood for jokes that Mew accidentally grabbed Ying's glass on the tray and drank from it. Ying's eyes grew big when she saw Mew drinking from the same place that she drank. She felt herself blushing that she placed her fingers to her lips. Mew noticed her in this strange action and with a curious look on his eyes, stopped drinking, and asked her.

"That's my glass," Ying said consciously.

Mew looked at the glass and placed it back on the tray. "Sorry, I thought it was my glass," he innocently replied.

Ying only nodded and smiled a bit. Some Chinese believed that if the person you like accidentally drinks from the glass that you use (or if he unconsciously drank at the same spot which you drank), it means that both of you are meant to be together. The thought made Ying blush.

"Hey, Ying, are you all right?" Mew asked.

"Yeah, yeah," she lied. "I'll just drink from your glass."

So she picked up his glass and drank from the spot where she thought he had drunk from. She emptied the glass, and then flipped the glass with the bottom of the glass facing up.

"Now we're even," she grinned slyly.

Mew smiled his cute smile and drank from the glass which originally was Ying's. After that, he flipped the glass too. After sharing some laughter, they continued playing cards.

Ying decided to gather the tray downstairs so she can wash all the dishes and come back to have another card match. When she was downstairs helping her brother wash the dishes, Ying got the wilted rose again and looked at it in deep thought. Ying is a big liar. She is not okay, and her eyes said it all. Throughout the time that they were playing, it was evident that she was still totally in love with him no matter how much she denied it that morning. His thoughts were broken when he heard someone silently sobbing near the door. It was subtle, as the fireworks downstairs where still the center of merrymaking. He stood up and took a peek outside of the door.

He saw Ying leaning by the wall leading to the bedroom door. She didn't know that he saw her this way. It was a bit dim, but he could see the sparkles on her face. She was crying, and it was a heavy bit of crying session. Mew did not see Ying cry this much, even before. Ying had always been the tough one who would do anything she pleases and sway people to her demands. Yet, this time at night, he had never seen her crumble beyond words and cry in utter silence. He never knew Ying had at times cried like this for him at night. Well, he would never know, for he never looked outside his window and look up to her room. He didn't have to wonder why. The wound was still so fresh, so it would still hurt, of course. Seeing her cry like this made him feel like dying. The last time he had that feeling was during the time that he avoided Tong, thanks to Sunee's ultimatum.

"Ying?" he called out to her.

Ying looked at him, but instead of running away, stayed in place like a rock. When she saw the wilted rose in his hand, she cried all over again. Mew went to her, held her shoulders, and brought her to her room. He shut the door so that her brother will not see his dear sister in tears.

Inside the room, Mew hugged Ying tightly, still holding the rose in his hand. He began to shed tears for her. How will he make her understand that it is Tong that he loves?

"I'm sorry Ying, I'm really sorry. I never wanted to make you feel bad. I never wanted to hurt you. But I don't love you," Mew said.

"I know. That is why I am crying. I am crying because the hope of you loving me is gone. It has wilted like the rose you got from my box," she cried as she punched his chest.

Mew realized his folly and apologized for invading her private space. He dropped the rose from his hand and continued to hug his friend in tears. Their lonely and sad encounter continued amid the happy merrymaking and the firecrackers outside.

"I'm sorry for making you cry this Christmas," Mew said, trying to make her lighten up a bit. "I have such a bad gift."

Ying pushed herself away from his grip, wiped his cheeks and caressed his face. She forced herself to smile just as Mew wanted her to.

"This is the face of my first love," she confessed.

She took her hand away from his face and looked away from him. Mew studied her face real hard. Gosh, she IS still in love with him.

"It is just so sad I was not able to give you the 99 roses," Ying declared, her voice all broken. "I'll just give you the 100th rose that I have."

Mew didn't react or pull away when Ying leaned over to him and gave him a kiss on his lower lip. It was just a small and soft kiss, unlike the passionate kiss that he had with Tong. He didn't love her, so he didn't kiss her back. It may seem like forever, but Ying cherished the feeling of Mew's soft lips upon hers, and Mew savoured the feeling behind the kiss of the other person who loves him deeply.

Ying realized that Mew indeed didn't love her, so she pulled away in resignation. Gay as he is, Mew touched his lips again the way he did after his first kiss with Tong.

"This is my first kiss from a girl," Mew admitted.

"But your first kiss is Tong," she pointed out.

"Yeah," Mew replied.

Silence hung again like a curtain on a gloomy, windy day.

"You are the first guy I have ever kissed," Ying admitted to him.

Mew held her hand. "But please don't make me betray my feelings of love for Tong."

Ying shook her head in resignation. "No, I won't. I already accepted the fact that it is Tong that you love and not me. But allow me to cry still. It still hurts."

Ying cried over again in front of him, and Mew wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry your first love made you cry," he told her. "I'm sorry I hurt my best friend."

He hugged her tightly, and she didn't resist. She was contented to feel weak, soft and lost under the arms of her gay Mew.

"Thank you for the roses, for the love, and the kiss," Mew whispered to her.

END


End file.
